All he said was, “I enjoyed our discussions back then, and I’d like to catch up if you have time.”

I quickly said, “Sure, I’d like that.  How about tomorrow at 3:30?”

After I hung up, I kept wondering why I said yes, and what in the world we would talk about.

I strained to remember anything about him and his company, and I couldn’t for the life of me remember anything about either.

For a while, I seriously considered calling and cancelling, but some very quiet voice kept telling me to keep the meeting.

In fact, at one point, I started to send an email saying I’d have to cancel.  I don’t have the time I need to fulfill all of my current commitments, so adding impromptu meetings to my already overburdened schedule didn’t seem like a bright thing to do.

But I couldn’t send the email.  That quiet voice kept telling me to go.

So I went.

And I greatly enjoyed the hour we spent together…catching up…sharing his business struggles and survival…talking about what he needs next…and talking about whether we could help him out.

We can’t.

But after talking with him, I certainly want to find a way to help.

His struggle isn’t unusual, but his survival as a business certainly may be.

His ability to stick with it when anyone else may have shut it down certainly may be.

His ability to call people that he hasn’t seen for 6 or 7 years and make both of us absolutely comfortable talking about family, friends and business certainly may be as well.

He’ll need each of those skills and many more as he now tries to find investors or partners to help him move from survival to growth, and then from growth to financial success.

So after an hour, we shook hands and agreed to talk again soon.

As I think back on the meeting now, I still don’t know why that very quiet voice kept telling me to go.

It’s a longshot for him to have any meaningful relationship with the companies he so desperately wants to partner with.  It’s also a longshot for him to convince partners or investors to provide the funding he needs to achieve some growth.

But I’m convinced that the very tenacity that kept his company alive till now will make it awfully hard for those he talks with to walk away without making another connection, without suggesting another path, without opening another door that he can then charge through.

Maybe that’s what he needed today.

Maybe that quiet voice wanted him to connect with me so that I could provide encouragement, or an introduction, or a sounding board as he pursues that lifeline that keeps his business afloat for another 6 or 7 years.

I don’t know yet.

I may not know for awhile.

I may never know.

But I’m learning to listen to that very quiet voice.

And I hope that I fulfill my purpose for going to that meeting.

Whatever it was.

Whatever it may be.

When an expected success turns into a horrible failure.

When a great relationship ends up in shambles.

When an incredible amount of hard work results in condescending and demeaning statements.

When momentary financial success turns into the brink of financial ruin.

When a great job turns into unemployment through no fault of our own.

Any of these could have crushed us under the weight of the misfortune.

Any of these may have driven us to our knees in intense prayer.

Any of these may have caused us to question ourselves and respond negatively towards others.

But none of these broke us.

None of these wiped us out completely.

None of these caused us to deny our faith or completely give up.

Instead, the moments of intense pain created times of great growth.

The moments of extreme worry created a future of great strength.

The moments of intense doubt turned into times of great confidence.

We all are going to be beat down in some way, in some fashion, by someone or something.

But we can’t be broken.

If we are, they win.

If we’re not, we win!

Every hole on the game board is filled with a tee, with the exception of one.  The goal is to jump tees, one at a time, and end up with the final jump leaving just one tee in a hole.

Unfortunately, my daughter plays the game very much like I do – moving the tees without much thinking and definitely not considering two or three moves beyond that current jump.

With our very tactical approach to the game, ignoring any possible strategy that might exist, the best we typically do is 3 remaining tees; every now and then two; and only on that rare occasion of incredible luck just one tee left.

Some people find it very easy to think about those next moves, and the next after that, and then even another after that.  Those people live for strategy, and I bet they love the “strategy games” that have become so popular to so many today.

But many of us enjoy being in the now, focusing intently on the move we’re making now and then waiting to see the consequence after the move before deciding what to do next.

As business and life get so much more complicated, living in the now becomes very high risk.  Some will get very lucky and the choices they make and the steps they take lead them to something magnificent.  But those many others that focus only on this current move will be greatly disappointed later in life when they realize that they still have several tees on the board and no moves left to make.

Hail to those who naturally think strategically today.

We need you desperately.

I noticed that again today during my late afternoon walk, when a car came by flashing his brights, warning those coming that a cop was just ahead.  As I walked around the bend, the cop had pulled over a compact car, and he was out of his car talking to the driver.  As I watched, sure enough, all approaching cars hit their brakes, regardless of how fast they were going.  The most extreme slow down was by a student driver, who slowed to about 5 miles per hour as she drove by the police officer.

That caused a big smile as several cars stacked up behind her!

That got me thinking. 

The instinctive slow down doesn’t just happen when we’re driving along and see a cop car on the side of the road.  It happens many times in life and in business when we think we’re moving at the right speed and things seem to be going right.

Some of the things that cause me to slow down even if I’m moving at no more than the speed limit (realistically or metaphorically):

• big things that appear to be blocking the way even if they aren’t
• slow moving traffic ahead, whether a good reason for that slow movement or not
• really bad weather that makes traveling at the normal speed limit impossible (I distinguish between just bad weather and really bad weather…in bad weather, I tend to still travel the speed limit on the road or in business)
• dramatic shift in the traffic pattern…unexpected shifts that creates an unfamiliar path for a period of time
• debris on the highway that’s been dropped by others that have gone before me
• unfamiliar territory with so many twists and turns and no clear indication of them on the map
• flat tires or other mechanical problems…unexpected problems with the vehicle I’m traveling in

There are many more too, but at least 95% of the time, I’m full speed ahead.

In life or in business, you can be uncomfortable, uncertain, or paranoid.  That’s sort of like slamming on the brakes when you see a cop on the side of the road, even when you’re going the speed limit.

Or, you can be confident, certain, and balanced.  That’s sort of like going the speed limit even if the radar gun pointing straight at you.

If you’re in a hurry and the expectations for achievement (travel or otherwise) are high, you have a much better chance of getting to the destination at the expected time (or even early) if you travel with conviction and resist the natural paranoia that accompanies most people on most journeys.

PS.  I certainly don’t fault anyone for being cautious.  That’s quite different than being uncomfortable and paranoid!

That sounds like just a bit more than a debate, but it’s what I want to talk about today. 

I’m by nature a guy that thinks he knows the right path and best plan for most of the stops I see on the journey ahead.  Unfortunately, those that live with me, work with me or otherwise know me, quite often have very different ideas of what that “right path” and “best plan” are.  Typically, that then leads to a debate.  But it’s not really a debate, because (1) I suck at debate, and (2) my version of “right” and “best” are rarely right and best!  So the active and escalating verbal confrontation that follows any of my proclamations (that indicate some certainty of right path and best plan) more often than not de-escalate quickly as any argument  I might have fizzles to a screeching and merciful halt.  The others then claim victory in some form or fashion, and they scurry away feeling like a champion while I saunter away knowing I’ve been conquered once again. 

The sad thing is that I’ve known without a shadow of a doubt that I was dead on right, AND I WAS WRONG! 

How in the world does that happen?  The good news is that I keep on believing that I’m right, so I haven’t lost any confidence as I enter these debates.  The better news is that others keep challenging me so my wrongness is quickly corrected and the rightness of both path and plan are assured. 

The fact that I’m wrong so often actually helps me in so many ways:  

   (1) It forces me to be much more humbler than I’d otherwise be; how can you be arrogant when you’re wrong all the time?  

   (2) It requires me to pause and think the minute the counter attack ensues; unfortunately, it doesn’t cause me to pause and think before I ever spew in the first place  

   (3) It allows me to stand in awe of the geniuses that debate me; after all, how did they get so smart and God leave me so lacking in he smarts category?  

   (4) It gives me the chance to be right every now and then, mostly when no one else is around to tell me I’m wrong!

So I’m going to keep “debating” and probably keep losing.

But I’ll win more the older I get.

I know I will.

I’m certain of it.

As certain as I am every other time I’m wrong!

I went from the mid 220′s to the mid 190′s.

I bought an entire new wardrobe just a couple weeks ago.

And I’ve worn those new clothes all over the world.

It’s pretty close to a mid life crisis with the obsession I have now to walk every day, eat differently, and look differently.

It’s a desperate desire to fend off aging and to extend my life (assuming something unexpected doesn’t happen).

Of course, my mid life crisis has not yet led to buying a 2-seat sports car or getting a new wife!  Sorry sweetie!

So I’d like to do an Academy-ish Awards type speech in appreciation for all those who have helped me get to where I am today:

Thank you!  Thank you!  Thank you!

First, I’d like to thank the Academy for drilling into me the importance of forced marches to build discipline!  They also showed me how I could eat lots of food if I just walked a significant number of miles every day!

I’d also like to thank my doctor for scaring the heck out of me by wanting to put me on a slew of meds to make my life better!

I’d like to thank my many good friends who put on their athletic shoes or flip flops and joined me on those 4 mile walks around the lake.  Those walks were in there own way forced marches, but oh what great dialogue and dreaming occurred during those discussions!

I’d like to thank my wonderful and beautiful wife who joined me on those countless 3.6 mile walks even though she had a bum foot and incredibly painful knee.  She typically only called me “butthead” a couple of times per walk, and that was when I would say, “Just one more hill to go!”

I’d like to thank my dad who showed me through his example the discipline it takes to loose large amounts of weight by walking long distances.  He also left me in his dust when I couldn’t keep up with him on his own walks!

I’d like to thank my friends who have also lost weight and shown through their examples the improvement in quality of life and mental attitude when the pounds are dropped.

And finally, I’d like to thank all those who put up with me when I suffered from the attitude and afflictions that came from the 30 extra pounds I carried.

Life is good today, and it’s because of all of you!

And for that I’m thankful!

Learning from those who see me as the teacher.

Learning from those who see me as the student.

Learning from those who see me as the mentor.

Learning from those who see me as the mentee.

Learning from those who see me as the father.

Learning from those who see me as the son.

Learning from those who see me as a shepherd.

Learning from those who see me as a lamb.

I’m also learning from those who see me as a champion.

Or learning from those who see me as a friend.

Learning from those who see me as dreamer.

Learning from those who see me as a doer.

Learning from those who see me as a talker.

Learning from those who see me as a listener.

Learning from those who see me as a warrior.

And learning from those who see me as a man.

The learning is intense right now.

At all times.

In all places.

From all people.

In all situations.

In my nearly 50 years of life, I hope I’m smarter at learning.

I certainly appreciate those I learn from more than I ever have.

And I love those who so willingly provide the life lessons that I’m learning.

And I hope my teachers of today never stop teaching.

Because I have so much more to learn.

Joy.

Worship.

Prayer.

Chaos.

Certainty.

Awe.

Frustration.

Love.

Life.

I felt all of these so far this summer.

But at one particular time, in a moment of awe-struck worship, sitting on an isolated pew with a never ending view of God’s magnificent creation, I smiled.

And at that particular moment, I found peace.

And in that peace, I found contentment.

And in that contentment, I gave thanks (Give Thanks).

And in giving thanks, I had a grateful heart.

This summer has been an incredible micro journey within the macro journey of life.

And for that I am truly thankful.

Things don’t get done.

Schedules don’t get met.

Commitments made to deliver certain things at certain times aren’t fulfilled.

And it’s getting worse.

Unfortunately, I’m not the most efficient person in the world.

I don’t do things in a systematic or time saving way.

In fact, it’s just the opposite.

It takes me twice as long as most to do some pretty routine things.

Because I let just about anything distract me or divert me from the high priority job at hand.

And, to make things worse, the older I get the more I need to prioritize time to those things that may prolong and enhance life.

Like exercise.

Like meditation.

Like more sleep (that hasn’t happened yet).

That just steals even more of my daily precious minutes that could have been used to do those incredibly important things that aren’t getting done.

So, what do I do?

It’s actually pretty simple.

• I delegate more.  Other people have the time and energy to do much of the work that I can’t seem to get done today.
• I recognize clearly what I’m not very good at and bring someone in much earlier to pick those things up and run with them.
• I turn exercise into learning or growing or solving or sharing sessions.
• I decrease my “must talk to” list and increase my “must email list”.
• I analyze and reflect much less and more quickly assess and envision what’s next.

Sounds pretty simple doesn’t it.

But it’s not.

Some of you have already simplified it to being wiser, smarter, and more prudent with my time.

But that’s easier said than done.

I’ve never been that way.

I like to do things myself.

I enjoyed being a Rambo-like, go it alone, do what you want to do consultant.

Delegation is hard.

Recognizing what you’re not good at and letting others pick you up on those things isn’t easy at all.

Turning those sacred moments of exercise and mediation into working sessions is an enormously tough compromise on this time thing.

Emailing more and talking less is fairly easy for me, but most of the rest of the world still needs that open dialogue, talk time to feel good for themselves.

And going back and over analyzing what was said or what was done can sometimes be the only way to get to the conclusions that are needed from any particular meeting or event.

But I know I can’t do things the way I’ve done them in the past.

I need help.

I need others now to do things that I would always want to do myself in the past.

I need to trust others to deliver so much better than I ever could or would, and in trusting that way,  I need to admit that others are so much better at getting things done now than I am.

It’s hard to let go of being the some-dreaming-with-lots-of-doing in the past to the lots-of-dreaming-and-only-some-doing of today.

Things are certainly changing.

It’s a young person’s game.

And I’m a rapidly aging, certainly balding, and overly pontificating player in today’s game.

But oh what fun I’m having.

Transitioning from the one who’s responsible for the action to the one who’s responsible for those who are responsible for the actions.

Transitioning from the one who’s responsible for thinking things through to the ad nauseam level to the one who’s now responsible for looking at the thinking of others and asking that one very intelligent question that sends them back for more thinking and more meaningful responses.

Transitioning from the one that can pull the all nighters and still be just fresh enough to solve the world’s problems to the one who needs some amount of significant sleep to be able to understand the stuff pulled together by those pulling those all nighters today!

Yep.

What fun I’m having!

Hope you are too!

Of those 20 people, maybe 5 go to sustained conversations.

Of those 5, maybe 1 becomes an aquaintance that is more than just a business relationship.

Of those 1 per week, maybe 1 every 6 months becomes a friend.

So maybe 2 people per year become good friends.

Of those 2 per year, maybe 5 every 10 years becomes very close friends.

Of those 5, maybe 1 every decade become lifelong friends.

So in my nearly 50 years of life, I have maybe 5 very important life long friends.

I have lots of other friends, and those are very meaningful to me too.

But about 5 people fall into that category of “life long”, drop everything at anytime, friends.

In a given month, I talk with over 200 people, and about 50 of them would fall into the category of friends.

So why are only maybe 5 in the category of drop everything friends?

It’s time.

It’s priorities.

It’s the ability to live up to commitments made or to actually drop anything at any time to respond to any issue that may arise.

It’s fear.  Of getting to close to too many people with too many expectations that come from friendship.

Or is it?

It’s actually just who I am.

I get very close to lots of people over a short period of time, but I only stay connected to a very few of those over a long period of time.

Are you still considered friends if you don’t talk to each other for years at a time?

Is there any definition of friends that makes it imperative to stay engaged and involved with each other a certain amount of time?

I don’t think so.

I think it all comes back to dropping everything at any time to respond to any need that comes up.

That seems to be a defining characterization of friends.

How many life long friends do you have?