Debating
I really hate debating – verbally parlaying; arguing back and forth; desperately hoping to win someone else over to your position or ultimately yielding to the other and letting them feel the euphoria of you giving in. But when it’s all over did anyone really win? When I debate, I typically give in because I’m tired of debating.  I’m not yielding to the opponents position; in the end, I realize it just doesn’t matter if I duke it out till some undefined end and then maybe claim verbal victory.
In business, the sad part of an aggressive debate is that both parties who are truly passionate about their own positions will walk away from any debate and still find a way to get their position or their preferred path moved forward. The debate does in some ways make visible the key issues in the argument, but I’ve rarely seen really good people walk away from a heated debate with one side saying, “that guy was right”! I learned early on in my marriage that I couldn’t debate worth a lick. My wife would out spar me in what seemed like seconds – I just couldn’t stack up. I found out over time that although I lose to a pro in a debate with my wife, I lose to much less professional arguers in my business life. I just can’t keep up with the line of reasoning that even modestly good debaters will follow. I’ll put up a good fight for a few minutes, but then my mind goes numb, the words I speak are out of synch with the argument being made, and my mind goes back to things I should have said rather than focusing on what I should be saying…all of that leads to disaster if there really is an important point being debated. Fortunately, it rarely is that important so who wins or loses I guess is good for egos but mostly irrelevant to business progress.
In a sense, my disgust with debating probably goes right back to my lack of patience and my desire in business to have a rapidly spinning OODA loop. For me, debating is resistance – it’s slowing down any particular path while everyone works hard to get others on board with their particular position. It seems so obvious to me that a path – any path – ought to be taken and then the course corrections or “debates” ought to be held during the mission operations rather than well in advance. If the debate was held under mission constraints, you’d think it would be tightly focused. In fact, it may be so time constrained that there would be no debate at all – that would be nirvana!